Big Sisters Can Cry {Renji Abarai One-Shot for IamZeki}

Picture by Dilleniidae

 



Sacrifice those you love and the life you lived to bring forth the life you want.

I don’t want to say good-bye. I’m afraid to. It’s something I have done too many times. I always feel like crying.

“Captain Fujiwara,” someone calls.

I turn to see Renji running up. “Hello, Abarai-san. It’s nice to see you again.” In truth, I saw him about three minutes ago.

“Ah, I forgot to tell you that Captain Kuchiki is looking for you,” he says. “Sorry.”

I smile. “It’s fine. Thank you for telling me. Where is he?”

“My squad’s barracks.”

“Thanks, Abarai-san.” I wave good-bye before heading in the directions of his squad’s barracks. Turns out Captain Kuchiki wanted to complain about telling Yachiru-san where I had stumbled upon a secret entrance. Yachiru-san now is always in his house. I tell him I’ll offer to give up my stock of candy to her if she stops.

I head to the entrance to the human world. Today is my day off, and I figure it’d be fun to draw in various forests. No one can find me in one of those. When I arrive at my first one, the air is thick. I quickly wrap my white scarf around my face to allow for breathing. My eyes and ears are uncovered so I can keep track of anyone that comes near me. I make sure the scarf does not mess up my hair by only wrapping it along the lower half of my face. My pigtails are as neat as ever.

After drawing a bird sitting on a branch and singing, I start to become tired. Before I realize it, I’m asleep. My dreams are filled with my sisters. Our parents were never home, so I always helped them with their homework. I was the genius of the family. Uinde, despite being my twin, preferred watching anime and manga. I did it too, but I still studied. And then there was Hanako...

“Hey, Yasu Onee-chan, why do you never cry?” she had asked.


“I’m the oldest. I’m even a few minutes older than Uinde. So, it’s my job to be the strong one,” I replied. “If I cry, who will comfort you?”


She smiled. “I still think you should cry once in a while, Yasu onee-chan. Even strong people cry sometimes.”


I ruffled her black hair. It was always a length between Uinde’s short bobs and my long pigtails. “I’ll think about it.”


And then the dream turns sour. Before I realize it, I’m standing in her room, trying desperately to get the ambulance there. I keep shouting, “I don’t have a car! I’m underage! Why would I know how to drive?” She’s dying. She’s gasping for air, and her inhaler was left at school. The world is shaking and blurring. Why can’t I do anything?

“Hanako!” I scream.

I’m no longer in her bedroom. I’m in the forest again. Renji is looking at me. Concern is in his eyes.

“Captain Fujiwara, you were screaming,” he says. “Are you okay?”

“How did you find me?” I ask.

He smiles. “You always come here. Now, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I say.

He puts his hand on my face, and I flinch. He wipes at the corner of my eye. “You’re crying.”

My eyes widen. “Ah, I’m sorry.” I quickly get up. “Please forget you saw that.”

He stands up. “What’s so bad about crying? You should cry once in a while.”

I smile. “It’s nothing. Anyway, let’s go.” I turn to leave.

“Captain Fujiwara, can I ask who Hanako is?”

I freeze. “How do you know that name?”

“You screamed it when you woke up. Plus you kept screaming it in your sleep.”

A tear streaks down my cheek. “She’s no one. Just someone I once knew.”

“Yasu onee-chan, Uinde onee-chan, let’s go!”

Her face was always a smile...

“You can tell me, Captain Fujiwara.”

“If I do, I’ll cry. And I don’t want to cry. A big sister should never cry.”

“I thought you didn’t have any siblings.”

“I don’t. But I did.” I sigh. “Hanako was my younger sister. She died of an asthma attack.”

I get ready to use flash-step to leave, but a strong arm pulls me back. Before I realize it, I’m being held close to Renji. My eyes are wide, and before I can blink I’m in tears. I can’t stop them. I miss her so much. And then I ended up taking a deal that led me to a role that only dead people can take. I’m so stupid. What about Uinde? How is she dealing with this?

“Remember, those you love and hold dear to you will not know you. Those you call your family will not exist.”

My eyes widen. The tears start to flow even faster, and I’m crying into Renji’s chest. I feel so stupid. I miss my sisters. I miss both of them. Uinde never died, but I made it where she never lived either. I’m so mean.

“If you want to go back, you can. Just say so. But I suggest waiting until your memories of why you took the deal come back.”

I can’t wait. I don’t want to. I want to see Uinde’s smiling face again. I want to see her laughing. My life was never bad before I took the deal. There was nothing harmful happening, and I had so many friends. Miyako and Uinde were the best friends I could ask for...

“Abarai-san, how would you feel if I left?” I whisper. The tears are slowing down, and I can breathe easily.

“I would be sad, of course.”

“Why? Just because I’m your friend?”

I have to know before I ask to return...

“No. Because I love you.”

The tears start flowing again. I look up, press me lips into his, and whisper, “I want to see my sister again, Abarai-san. But that requires leaving.”

His arms tighten around me. “Well, it’s okay if you see her, right? I’ll just wait for the day when you can return.”

I smile. “Thank you, Abarai-san. I love you.” I take a deep breath and whisper, “I wish to take the deal back.”

I can feel myself fading. Renji’s arms aren’t something I can feel anymore. The memory of why I took the deal returns at that moment. The red-headed lieutenant with the cool tattoos. Even after taking the deal, I still loved his tattoos. He always made me laugh when he argued with Ichigo. The episodes of Bleach with him in them were always my favorites...

I open my eyes. I’m in my bedroom, under my large black comforter. The white pillows under my head feel so nice. A girl in a pink nightgown with a matching ribbon in her short black hair runs up and jumps onto my bed. “Get up, Yasu!”


I sigh. “I am up, Uinde.”


I climb out of bed and place my feet on the black carpet of my bedroom. It feels so nice. I look at my bedroom walls, covered in Bleach posters. When I took the deal, I was lying in bed, half-asleep. I wanted desperately to escape the pain of Hanako’s death. It only happened a week ago.


“Yasu, you were sleeping so quietly! Were you actually asleep?” asks Uinde.


“Yeah,” I say. “I just had a really nice dream.” Every night since Hanako’s death I had been overwhelmed with nightmares. “I really, really nice dream. I think you would have enjoyed it. Only if you replaced Renji with Shuuhei, though.” I smile sadly. “I was captain of squad 9. I was such a fantastic captain. I had many friends and I was there for a long time. The dream covered an entire year. The only catch was that my family never existed.”


She giggled. “Not sure I would sacrifice my family for that.”


“That’s why I chose to come back.”


She wraps her arms around me. “I’m glad you chose not to live without us.” She pulls away. “Now, what interesting thing happened?”


“Renji said he likes me. Oh, and I kissed him.”


She smirks. “Anything else?”


“I cried. But that’s it.”


“No way! Yasu crying? It was definitely a dream!”


I giggle. “Big sisters can cry.”

Picture by I-Am-Kokoro

❤ What Are You Thinking? ❤

 

Sacrifice those you love and the life you lived to bring forth the life you want

I took that deal a month ago. I don't remember why. All I know is that I accepted it, and next thing I knew I was waking up in a completely different world. The thing is, my past life stayed with me, though I knew every detail of my new one. I knew that I grew up with Gin and Rangiku. I knew that I graduated from the academy within a year of entrance. I was top of my class, too.

As I remember all of that, I also remember the majority of my actual life. Some parts are filled with emptiness. For example, at times I'm watching a fuzzy television screen. I think it has to do with the deal I made.

"Good morning, Mika," says a cheerful voice.

I turn around to face Gin Ichimaru, the love of my life. As far as I know, it's one-sided. As far as he knows, I have no feelings for him. Oh well, I'll get there one day.

"Good morning, Captain Ichimaru," I say, adding a laugh as I say his name. I wish I was in his squad. Although it's nice to be with Rangiku, I'd get to be closer while in his squad. "Out for a walk?"

"Yes," he says. He holds up a dried fruit. "Dried perssimon?"

I smile and accept the fruit. "Thank you." I tilt my head to the side. "Mind if I join you?"

He nods. "Go ahead."

So, we start to walk. I can never tell what Gin is thinking, though I spend as much time as possible with him. It's a bit frustrating. Kind of like how he never shows his eyes.

"What are you staring at me for, Mika?" he asks.

My cheeks go red. "Nothing at all." I quickly turn away.

He pokes my cheek playfully. "Come on, tell me, Mika. Your cheeks are all red."

"It's nothing," I say again. He keeps poking, so with a sigh I say, "IwasjustthinkinghowIcanneverunderstandwhatyou'rethinking." I take a deep breath so I can say another flurry of words. "AndalsohowIneverseeyoureyesandthereforedon'tknowtheircolor."

I pray deep inside that he has no idea what I said. That would require a lot of speed, I know. I just hope I put in enough.

I feel Gin's hand in mine, and I can tell the red in my cheeks, which was just starting to fade, has returned. Great.

"You want to know what I'm thinking?" he asks as he turns to me.

I nod my head. "Yeah."

We stop and he turns towards me. His lips press into mine. In that moment, I remember why the deal was accepted. It was for Gin. I had loved him so much. He had filled the void my parents left while they were gone.

When he pulls away he says, "I'm thinking I love you."

 

Goodbye {Shuuhei Hisagi One-shot for Uinde}

"Sacrifice those you love and the life you lived to bring forth the life you want."

"I'll accept it."

"Once you accept it, you can't turn back."

I look at the black-cloak standing behind me. The voice sounds male, but that's all I can tell.

"Yeah. I'll take it." I look at my poster, though I am unable to see who is on it. "I'll take it."

I wake up, my brown eyes scanning the room around me. In my head lie two pasts. My real one, and my Bleach one. I have been living my Bleach one for three years. It's a nice life.

"Kimura-sama, you have a guest," says a maid at my doorway.

I nod and slip on my black soul reaper uniform. As a finishing touch, I slip on the cloth that proves me captain of squad 9.

"Shuuhei-san, pleasant surprise," I say with a smile at my lieutenant.

"A mission has come up," he says.

I nod. "Okay. Thank you for telling me. I'll head out for information right away."

He holds out a stack of papers. "It's right here. The mission is with me."

"It must be a pretty hard mission if they're sending both of us," I say.

When we arrive in the human world, we are in a large sea-side town. It's cute, with docks reaching out into the ocean and connected. There are even some houses built onto the water.

"Such a shame for a group of hollows to appear here," I say.

Shuuhei nods and points to a pile of rubble. "The result."

"This is horrible," I say with a sigh. "Oh well, let's split up and investiage."

We end up finding a group of three hollows once night has fallen. We attack, and I use end up having quite a hard time. No choice.

"Breathe, Yoko!" I exclaim. I immediately feel my Zanpakuto change in my hand. She is now in a rapier-like shape, though the silver blade and blue hilt still remain.

"Let's go, Shuuhei," I say.

Each strike it blocked, and the hollows turn out to take strength from water. Great. I quickly return Yoko to her regular form. I've no choice but to fight like this.

I manage to strike down one of the hollows. As Shuuhei is overpowering the second, the third one knocks me into the ocean. I barely manage to surface, and at that point I'm struggling. Shuuhei quickly comes over and helps me up. He has already taken down the second one. However, this distraction gives the third the advantage it needs, and before I know it, I have a large claw in my middle. I am flung back against a tree, and I feel my blood drain from me. My vision is going blurry as Shuuhei quickly defeats the hollow and comes to my aid.

"Captain Kimura!" he says with a gasp.

I give a sad smile. "Sorry, Shuuhei-san. I'm not going to be around much longer."

"Hold on," he says. "I'll get help."

I shake my head. "Call if you want, but I'm barely hanging on now." I take in a shaky breath and wince at the pain it causes. "Shuuhei-san, can I tell you something? I need to."

He nods. Tears are entering his eyes. He comes closer, as he can barely hear me say his name.

"I love you," I whisper.

His eyes are wide as he lifts himself back up. "You have to be kidding. You aren't seriously saying this when you're about to die, are you?"

I nod. "Yeah. Qui n'a plus qu'un moment a' vivre n'a plus rien a' dissimular. He who has but a mmoment to live has nothing to conceal. It's French. I learned it before coming to Soul Society. I figure...might as well tell you since I'm dying."

He leans forward, and I can barely feel his lips press into mine. The world is cold, and his lips are so warm. For a moment, I'm happy I made my deal. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have met Shuuhei...

When I open my eyes, I'm standing in my room next to my Shuuhei Hisagi poster.

What just happened? I touch my lips. Did I just die? Did I just get Shuuhei Hisagi to kiss me?

I smile to myself. "If only I had told him sooner." A tear streaks down my cheek.

The one memory I will forever have is the feeling of his warm lips in the cold world on the night we said goodbye...